The Familiar Fear and Distress of Jacob
As I’ve said, this week is Transgender Awareness Week and tomorrow is the Transgender Day of Remembrance for those killed by the frequent violence toward transgender people. This year, to date, 47 trans people in the US have been shot or killed by other violent means. Before Kaddish we will pause to remember them. We do so to show our solidarity with the trans community, and with the trans people who are members here at Temple Sinai, but we also do it because as Jews, we, too, know what it like to be attacked and killed just because of who we are. While we likely don’t all agree about every part of the Trans Community’s political agenda, surely we all agree that violence against this community is something that must be named and requires response.
Of course, we focus on the deaths, the most extreme examples of transphobia, but tonight, I want to talk a bit about the impact this threat of violence has on the community of the living, they ways it impacts the general sense of safety and home. In small communities, violent acts against some put everyone on edge.
In the Jewish world, the violence against Jews in New York and other cities has made all of us feel less safe and has caused many of us to minimize or even hide expressions of our Jewishness. An American Jewish Committee survey on Antisemitism in America release this month found that a full quarter, 25% of American Jews have hidden or minimized expressions of their Jewishness, whether it is by hiding stars of David, wearing a baseball cap over a kippah, or avoiding posting Jewish content on their personal social media pages. This persistent fear of being attacked has long-term impact on small communities and their health, and our happiness.
This week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach, and the centuries of rabbinic commentary on it, comes to us from across the centuries to help us reflect on what fear of violence can do to us – and how it can prevent social cooperation and harmony.
Our portion starts with Jacob, leaving with Leah and Rachel, his children and entourage learning that his brother Esau is coming to greet him, accompanied by 400 men. The last time he saw Esau, Esau was threatening to kill him, and so Jacob fled to family he knew would take him in. This is a familiar experience to far too many young trans people whose families threaten, or even kill them. Many must flee home.
Jacob, the Torah tells us in Genesis 32:8, “was greatly afraid and distressed” and so he began dividing his people and possessions into two camps to be sure at least half could flee if Esau attacked.
The rabbis wisely ask why it says “greatly afraid and distressed.” What is the difference between afraid and distressed?
The BEKHOR SHOR (12th C France) commented that Jacob was afraid of being killed but distressed because he “ he didn’t know what he should do. If he had known that Esau’s intentions were to harm him, should he asked to be saved, or should he flee.”
Anyone, many of you here tonight, who has been threatened with attack, you know the paralysis in the moment, trying to decide whether to run or stand up; fight or flight.
Bekhor Shor also points out fleeing and showing fear can actually make things worse. He argues that running away over and over, showing that sort of fear emboldens those who you fear and makes them even more likely to attack.
He also points out that because of his fear, Jacob might be misreading the situation, and maybe Esau is actually coming to honor him or to make peace. Being afraid means all our judgements are shaped by fear, and this can lead us to be so suspicious and distrustful as to lose friends and alienate allies, to miss the love and support that comes our way.
MALBIM , Rabbi Meir Leibush ben Yehiel Michel Wisser, who was Chief Rabbi of Prague in the 1800’s, pointed out how Jacob’s fear also made him feal like a failure, weak in faith and strength. Jacob’s fear, says the MALBIM, made him feel unworthy of being saved, and that created great distress. Not feeling worthy is the source of Jacob’s distress. Too many who are the victims of bullying and attack start to feel they are not worthy of being saved.
RASHI, the 11th Century French giant who profoundly shaped the way Jews read the Bible also reflects on the effect that being threatened has on Jacob. Rashi suggests that Jacob’s fear is of being murdered; it is fear for himself. His distress is that he might be pushed to harm or murder his brother. Even in self-defense, it rips one apart to murder another. We should be distressed, Rashi argues, about what the threat of violence can do to us and lead us to do.
Jacob, then, shows us the way the threats of violence shape us, cause us distress, and can turn us into the very thing we fear being the most. Remember, it is just after this that Jacob, alone, having sent his family away for safety, wrestles with an angel and prevails, a powerful moment reflected in his new name, Israel. Yisrael, those who wrestle with God. Sadly, many people don’t survive that wrestling, and this leads to high rates of self-harm, depression, and suicide.
Our Torah Portion has a second famous incident where Jacob fears being attacked, but this time it is because his sons have reacted to a violent attack on their sister in a way makes the likelihood of widespread violence even greater. Jacob and Leah’s daughter Dinah “went out to visit the daughters of the land” and on her way, the local prince attacked her and raped her. Her brothers were appropriately enraged, but this sort of rage carries with it a greater danger. When too many in our community are being attacked or killed or imprisoned, we can lose our sense of ethics and feel that whatever we do is justified in the name of those who were harmed.
Dinah’s brothers made a plan to convince all of the people in the tribe where they lived to be circumcised in order to merge, and then while they were recovering, her brothers, the “sons of Israel,” went and killed all the men and took their property. Jacob, when he learns of this gets distressed and cries out that now they are all in danger because this will only unite the majority to attack them.
There is a warning there for us to heed. Being attacked over and over makes us lose our moral compass, our since of right and wrong.
The reaction to being attacked, the way suddenly any act of revenge seems not only justified, but holy, this is what Jacob is crying out against to his sons – to us. Acts of revenge and retaliation feel good, and can feel holy and righteous, but Jacob reminds us that what is truly holy is peace and a civil society; that is what actually makes people more safe.
So at this time of Transgender Remembrance, may we all be reminded of the day to day impact that fear of attack has on us and how it changes us.
May be all be aware and concerned about what fear can turn us into.
May we, as Jews who know too well what it means to live in fear, use that as a bridge of empathy and alliance for those in our community who are transgender.
May we remember that above all, peace is the greatest good and holiest call, and that peace means compromise, letting go of our desires for perfect justice in the name of greater peace and more joyous lives.
Ken Yehi Ratzon